Friday, January 22, 2010

Heart Exposed

"I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faiththat I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead." ~ Philippians 3:8-11

I've been talking with the girls in my life and it has been a breath of fresh air lately. I am reminded of how crafty the enemy is in ruling my mind and plaguing my thoughts with such darkness and depression. Literally every day, almost every moment, I have been fighting the "dooms day" outlook in EVERYTHING. That IS depression but can also increase it and make it stay around much longer. I'm not really sure if post partum depression is hitting me or if it's spiritual, it's probably both, but nonetheless...I've been wrestling depression in many ways. It's felt a little scary at moments...very hopeless.

BUT, since bringing my thoughts and struggles into the light and being encouraged with God's truth in the voice of His people, I have felt it lifting a little bit. I've also been reminded of how important it is to bring things into the light so the darkness is exposed for what it really is...LIES.

This verse above really spoke to me today. I'm seeing many things in this life as rubbish compared to the Lord , but my heart is also exposing the idols in my life that I am holding higher than Him. Things I have in closed fits, that I've been hanging onto tightly waiting for them to fix me, make me happy/ my God. But all they do is end up disappointing me...i.e depression. So I thank you depression...showing me that these idols will never satisfy.

Lord, I pray that you would do as your Word says, and help me gain YOU and be found in You...that I would not obtain a righteousness of my own, but the righteousness from You that depends on faith. I ask that you'd help me know you, truly know You, and the the power of your resurrection. Like Step 2 in the 12 steps...that I might believe that a power greater than myself (Christ alone) would restore me to sanity.

I've found my new favorite song by Misty Edwards called Arms Wide Open. It paints the picture of what my heart longs to do but does not know how to do yet...let go, trust the Lord, love with arms wide open and a heart exposed...sometimes bleeding. This is how I am to love...surrendered. Lord I long to love this me. I love you.


BrooksFamily said...
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