Love my new Hat!

I know I know. I've slacked for about a month. But I have a good excuse...SPRING CLEANING. No joke! Anyway...

I started watching this show called "Life Unexpected" and this girl is always wearing these cute hats. So...I asked my mom to make me one and she did!!! Here's a pic of what I asked for...

And here are the pics of what she made! Perfect :-)

Mean Mommy!

Monday was our 1st round of shots. Poor baby girl. Riley's Ana (grandmother) had her camera out and ended up taking pics of the little one. I actually did good during the process, but looking at these faces afterwards makes my heart break more.

BEFORE her shots

Ugghhhh! Breathe baby girl...

We survived

Heart Exposed

"I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead." ~ Philippians 3:8-11

I've been talking with the girls in my life and it has been a breath of fresh air lately. I am reminded of how crafty the enemy is in ruling my mind and plaguing my thoughts with such darkness and depression. Literally every day, almost every moment, I have been fighting the "dooms day" outlook in EVERYTHING. That IS depression but can also increase it and make it stay around much longer. I'm not really sure if post partum depression is hitting me or if it's spiritual, it's probably both, but nonetheless...I've been wrestling depression in many ways. It's felt a little scary at moments...very hopeless.

BUT, since bringing my thoughts and struggles into the light and being encouraged with God's truth in the voice of His people, I have felt it lifting a little bit. I've also been reminded of how important it is to bring things into the light so the darkness is exposed for what it really is...LIES.

This verse above really spoke to me today. I'm seeing many things in this life as rubbish compared to the Lord , but my heart is also exposing the idols in my life that I am holding higher than Him. Things I have in closed fits, that I've been hanging onto tightly waiting for them to fix me, make me happy/fulfilled...be my God. But all they do is end up disappointing me...i.e depression. So I thank you depression...showing me that these idols will never satisfy.

Lord, I pray that you would do as your Word says, and help me gain YOU and be found in You...that I would not obtain a righteousness of my own, but the righteousness from You that depends on faith. I ask that you'd help me know you, truly know You, and the the power of your resurrection. Like Step 2 in the 12 steps...that I might believe that a power greater than myself (Christ alone) would restore me to sanity.

I've found my new favorite song by Misty Edwards called Arms Wide Open. It paints the picture of what my heart longs to do but does not know how to do yet...let go, trust the Lord, love with arms wide open and a heart exposed...sometimes bleeding. This is how I am to love...surrendered. Lord I long to love this way...help me. I love you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9IpQ_sUlbs

Cooking

Arrgghhhh!


Now that I am staying home, our world is going to change a little bit in how we spend our money. Losing one income is going to be quite a challenge. So, instead of eating out so much, I should probably start cooking more. I have gotten so spoiled to the "fast fix" of eating out that I can't even think of things to eat at home, let alone cook. I think all our spices are majorly expired too.

I did come across a website I think I will use to help get me started though. Check out http://www.momswhothink.com/easy-recipes/

If you have any easy dinner ideas and recipes, please send them to me. What are YOUR household staple meals?

In the meantime, look at this adorable hat my mom made Riley. Hahaaa!



A few more cute captions of my little monkey...or should I say bear :)

Lost

I have been putting off this blog post for quite some time.

For a few reasons:

It could be long winded...

It sounds so "pity party"...Ugghhh. I have been complaining about this for a while so now I'm that person who complains about something but doesn't do anything about it. I am that person right now. And I HATE IT.

I'm tired of being in this place to even talk about it...

The absolute ONLY reason I post this is because I need you to pray for me. For those of you who even read this...please pray for me.

To make a long blog post short...I am in a spiritual depression. I don't know if you've ever been "depressed" before, but I'm there spiritually. I "feel" so deep in the darkness where there is no life. Everything is cold and dead inside spiritually. I feel so paralized spiritually. I know all the "truths". I know all the right things to think, tell myself, and believe. I know all the answers in my head, but my heart can NOT connect. I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. Again, I'm already telling myself "truths" as we speak.

For instance...don't base the truth about God on "feelings" but I'm stuck exactly there.

Another thing...God didn't leave me, I left him. He's still there...just turn around Niki and start connecting with Him. Talk to Him.

I KNOW ALL THIS! WHY is it so hard to actually do and believe?! I mean seriously...2 years?!

Here is what I think God is trying to teach me right now...that I can't have true relationship with him through other people, pastors, sermons, music, books, etc. See...I knew these things all along, but they remained my main source of trying to connect with the Lord. I've struggle with reading the Word as long as I've been a believer.

I'm just in a really empty and scary place right now with the Lord. The final truth is...I doubt if God really wants me as His. Of course he loves everybody else and has grace for everyone else...but ME? Ummmmm....does he really? God, do you really? God, are you there?

I feel hopeless and depressed and frustrated because God is making something VERY CLEAR to me right now...I CAN NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. I can't analyze anything into action. I can't FIGURE it out. I I I I I I can't do anything...only HE can. So that's what I've been trying to do for so long...control my relationship with the Lord, AS IF I was in control. I am now faced with the reality that I am powerless to do anything. And for a control freak...that is scary. I don't know how to have a relationship with Him. I find myself asking, "God, are you really even knowable?"

So here I am... left only to wait on the Lord. Yes I know I have a responsibility to do my part (I don't even want to get into that). One thing I do know...life without the Lord or any purpose IN HIM is meaningless. I feel like I REALLY understand Solomon when he wrote the book on Ecclesiastes. I got it back then, but now I really get it. I guess that is why I feel so spiritually depressed...since I don't have a purpose filled relationship with the Lord, my life seems meaningless (purposeless...don't take that the wrong way).

So here's my messed up heart. Please pray for me.

BIG M-I-S-T-A-K-E

I am officially addicted...

As if I were pregnant...the cravings are just like it I promise!

I am addicted to Dr. Pepper!

Not just one can or bottle...No. The HUGE ones that you get at Sonic...the Route 44s. This is not good on so many levels.

#1) I am breastfeeding...I'm sorry Baby Girl. I drank caffeine all through my pregnancy so she is used to caffeine...but TODAY I had about 5 servings of Dr. Pepper in less than 5 hours. So WHO is WIDE EYED right now (besides me)? Yep! My almost 6 week old little girl :( Way to go Mom! Don't judge me.

#2) All that caffeine is horrible for you! Plus all that sugar and all those calories!

#3) Route 44s at Sonic aint cheap. Okay...the Happy Hour prices are good, but what am I supposed to do when I'm craving one before 2pm?

#4) Who wants to be addicted to anything?!

SO...here we are...wide awake, not tired at all. I've worked so hard at getting her on a good sleeping schedule and I've gone and ruined it. Again...way to go Mom!

New Years Day 2010

So all of my days seem to run together now. It seems that all I do is whatever Riley does...wake up, eat, stay awake. Except Riley gets to go back to sleep after every meal...not me. Nope, I get to pump and clean and do household stuff, etc. But today...was a whole lot of nothin! I did try and nap to get rid of my horrible headache, but I'm not sure if I actually slept or not. It seemed like my brain was active the whole time and my headache is still here :(

On a funny note...the 2 times that Riley has had a blowout has been in Zach's arms..hahaaaa! I literally just laugh b/c it groses him out. Hey, I'm just glad she pooped b/c she was a little constipated today...poor Riley bugs :( And how sad is it when your little one is congested and they are trying to eat, only to have a hard time breathing. It makes me so sad! And guess what Sadie's new favorite toy is? Riley's aspirator! I've already had to replace 1 and it was a good one (the hospital kind...the ONLY ones that are worth anything).

This is Riley's current set up when we do tummy time...and apparently Sadie wanted to try it out :)

Is this dangerous? She wiggles her way down that thing and I don't understand how. (This is her sleep positioner)

It appears I have been gone a while...

So it's been quite a while since I've been on here. Honestly, I never felt like anybody read my blogs so I kinda gave up. But, after watching Julie & Julia and learning that my friend Lindsey became a blogger AND having a baby....I've been re-inspired.

So...from my last post til now, we moved into our house, got pregnant and had a baby :) I really should've started back to blogging when I got preggers, but Oh well!! I will still post some pics...and another reason posting on this is so annoying...its a pain b/c it posts pics backwards and makes it extremely difficult to edit and rearrange them. So you're going to get really out-of-order pictures...Sorry.

It's late and I'll get better at this...just not tonight ;)

10 weeks

Delivery Day!!!! FAT FACE

15 weeks

16 weeks

My precious nephew Noah

This is my sister Libby's 3rd child. Sorry Tammi, I don't have any pics with Libby in them. I'll try and have her send me some :-) This was the first time I got to see him since he was born...10 days old!!! This was also the first time I wasn't at the hospital when she gave birth. The night he was born I was in a wedding and didn't even find out until late that night :-(

Oh how I love those little toes!!!

Whew!

Wow! What a weekend. We started painting our house Friday morning at 9 am and went everyday until about 7pm and FINALLY finished on Sunday. I can't even express how glad I am that all of that part is complete. I say "part" because there is still much to do. Most importantly we will be packing our apartment all week preparing to move this weekend. Needless to say, I will be so relieved when that part is done too. It has just been crazy.

We also couldn't have done this so quickly without our friends that helped. We hired an awesome painter named Saul and he works for himself and was so amazing!!! He was such a hard worker, and he worked FAST, AND he was GOOD! Not only was he all those things, he was such a nice, polite, respectful gentleman. He was literally a "god-send". I will forever recommend him so if you need a painter, please ask me and I will give you his number.

My sister Emily, my brother Ben and his girlfriend Neely, and good friends Brooke and Jason came to help paint also. We would not be finished this weekend without their help and we are soooo thankful!! Thank you so much guys :-) Seriously! You were also a "god-send" and an answer to prayer.

I decided not to post any more pics of the house because we will have a house warming party in a few months and I want all of you to come!! So...now you have to come ;-) Ahhhh...anyway...I am pooped and am going to bed. Much love :-)

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Genealogy software - Old family photos

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celeb

Need Prayer...Life Has Been A Whirlwind!!

Okay...I am pooped...seriously. Everything has been so crazy and hectic. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed and anxious. I feel like I'm completely lost. Now I'm speaking of my relationship with the Lord. A few months ago I dealt with something that was very painful. I didn't really know "how" to deal with it. I mean the most obvious solution is bring it to God and deal with it through Him. But I can honestly say now, that I didn't do that.

I didn't realize it at the time but I just kept my hurt, pain, anger and bitterness to myself. Overtime, it faded and then resurfaced...and still resurfaces. I'm having such a hard time doing the obvious thing...bringing it to the Lord. In the midst of keeping all this hurt, pain and anger to myself, my heart has grown numb and cold to the Lord.

I'm in that place where my mind knows truth, but my heart doesn't. In the meantime life has gotten hectic...adding distraction upon distraction to my already numb and distant heart. Every time I realize the state of my heart, I'm left with fear, emptiness, helplessness, numbness still, and I feel just lost and frozen. I hate this place...knowing what to do and knowing the "right answers" but still feeling and doing absolutely nothing!

I have faith and hope that this is a season and that I will not stay here. I feel uncomfortable even talking with Him. The enemy automatically tells me..."well you should considering you've ignored Him for so long." So I battle with the enemy and his taunting and most of the time it seems like he wins.

However, all of the distraction are wonderful and amazing gifts from God. There have been 3 babies brought into this world within in one week! My sister in law had her baby last week. My sister had her baby on Saturday night, and my best friend had her baby on Monday. All wonderful blessings and miracles. :-)

My sister in law's baby girl and my niece Evelyn ("Eve")

My nephew Noah

My best friend Lindsey's baby boy Luke

A good friend of mine got married this past weekend and I was a bridesmaid and it was so beautiful!

In May we purchased our first home and have been doing renovations ever since. We have to move out of our apartment by July 14th. We haven't started painting yet because we have been so busy. I need to start packing but so much of what needs to be packed we use every day. And since I'm not sure when we'll be ready to move in yet it's been a little crazy in my type "A" planning, organizing, controlling mind.

Since my sister has been in the hospital with her baby, we've been watching her dog and it has been a hoot! He is a golden retriever poodle mix and is still a puppy. Sadie just turned 1 yr in June so she's still barely a puppy. Anyway, they are officially "kissing cousins". They are both fixed but have still tried the "humpty dance" a few times. Every moment that they are out of their crates they are chasing each other, rolling around, playing, stealing toys from each other, etc. It is hilarious! A little crazy in this little apartment but still gives me joy to see them have so much fun. They are both in doggie heaven!

Sadie and Tucker

My job description at work has also changed a little. It's good stuff and I love it, but I still have a hard time with change. With my new "duties" I'm feeling some pressure so this definitely adds to my stress.

All in all...I'm crazy busy with many wonderful things, still need to deal with some heart issues, and feel very far from the Lord. If you think about me, please keep me in your prayers.

Painting Party!!!!

I have had several people ask me about when we are painting because they would like to help. First of all, I want to thank everyone for all the help that has been offered!! That really means so much to Zach and I and we are so grateful for your desire to help us. I know schedules may not always mesh to actually help when we do ask for it, but your support is simply amazing!!

We are hoping to move into the house no later than July 11th. That means everything needs to be painted by July 9th (because we will finish with the floors once everything is painted). I figured the weekend would be the best time to have a painting party. That leaves 2 weekends to paint!!

Zach and I will start this weekend on Sunday June 29th. If anybody would like to come help us paint then let me know :-) We will most likely be painting in the evenings throughout the week and would like to finish the weekend of July 4th. I realize most people have plans for that holiday weekend, but if we are not done painting and you would like to help that weekend let me know as well :-)

I just want to say Thank You Thank You Thank You to everyone who keeps up with the Faris Fam!

House Demo

Here is some of the demo that we've done so far...well, what Zach has done so far. I helped on what I could, but he has worked so hard! You've aleady seen some of these pics but I reposted them just to show a before and after to save you the scrolling up an down process a million times.

We took out this wall and are relocating it to the left of the microwave and stove cooktop.

Zach hard at work :-)

Here's the kitchen BEFORE the wall is removed...

And here it is AFTER the wall is removed. This opened it up so much and now our kitchen is soooo much bigger.

That blue tape on the floor is the general area that the island will go. We had some unexpected expenses that came up with moving the wall, so the island may have to wait a little longer.

No more arch opening :-( I wanted to keep it, but with the convincing of our contractor and Zach, I guess it's better this way.

Lovely previous termite trails as they ate the sheetrock. Don't worry, it's been taken care of.

BEFORE the wall is gone...

No more wall :-)

Here we took off the paneling. More to come!!!!